i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
