dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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