Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
