Barsexuality is the new black.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
