Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
