Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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