Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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