he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
