We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
