I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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