my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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