She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
