So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize