Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I want is dick and wine.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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