You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize