we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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