wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
