Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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