just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
