she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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