You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize