I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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