I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
