i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
