i can't believe i had my finger in that
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
