I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
nutella sex= disaster
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
