Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
