he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
