You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
