I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I use my feet as sexual weapons
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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