shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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