so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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