whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
