Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
