he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
