Do you still have your period?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
