dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's blow job season.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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