i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
