so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
