So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
