Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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