i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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