I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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