Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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