Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
