I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize