Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
