I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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