I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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