p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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