it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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