Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
