Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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