Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
