it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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