he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
