We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
