Soap is not a condiment
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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