I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
