Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Found your dick twin last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He did a backflip because drugs
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