Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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