Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
