You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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