So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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