Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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