I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm too high and old for this...
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