Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
