that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
