kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
