Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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