I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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