You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
ok first of all what the fuck
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
