Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
