She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
