phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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