I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
the raccoons are back...
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