I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
